Captain Hawkeye To The Rescue
by The Lady Rogue
Summary: Clint's got three children under five. Managing a bunch of superheros is nothing. This is Clint's reactions to the events in Civil War and his consequent decision to come out of retirement. (He doesn't make it easy for them.) Basically Clint realizing the Avengers need him to hold them together. The Trickster's Tale Part 5 [Oneshot]


He gets the text from Nat, just two words 'I'm fine' at exactly the same time Laura calls him into the living room. She's staring at the TV, and a bomb's gone off in Vienna, where the Accords are being ratified. The message doesn't exactly reassure them, but at least she's alive, and probably micromanaging world leaders while placating the press. They leave the TV on while they go about their tasks for the day, popping in and out whenever they can. Twelve dead, including the King of Wakanda, which is really, really bad news.

"Isn't Barnes the name of the man Steve's been chasing for the last two years?" Laura asks. Clint rushes in. There, on screen, is the Winter Soldier, also known as Bucky. Apparently he set off the bomb. Steve's been pretty adamant that this guy saved him two years ago, and he's rather suspicious about the coincidences that keep lining up around him.

"Well fuck." Clint mutters. Laura whacks him on the arm.

"Duck!" Nathanial cries from her arms. Clint smiles sheepishly at Laura who narrows her eyes and shake her head.

It's late evening, the kids are in bed and they've given up pretending that they're not glued to the TV. The media is playing the footage from earlier on repeat when *BREAKING NEWS* flashes on screen. They watch the action unfold as Barnes is chased around Bucharest with Steve, Sam, a random guy in a cat suit and several heavily armed police on his tail. He face palms when they're all arrested.

"Bloody hell. It's not even been a year since I retired again, and it's already gone to shit. Useless. They're useless without me."

"Loki must be off world, Thor too." Clint grimaces.

"Frankly that's probably for the best. Can't exactly imagine Thor allowing 'Midgardians' to direct where he swings his hammer." Clint pauses, and then decides to ignore his unintentional euphemism.

"You going in?" Laura asks. Clint laughs, as if he hadn't even considered the matter, although they both know he's been debating the pros and cons ever since the explosion.

"I'm retired." He says weakly. Laura cocks an eyebrow. They both know that's just an excuse for him not to sign the Accords. He already did the work of one shady government agency. There was no way he was signing up to do another's, not him.

Laura goes to bed.

"Let me know if you change your mind." She says, a twinkle in her eye. His hands are already itching for his bow.

A couple hours later Clint's laid out his kit, polished his bow, tweaked his arrows and Barnes, Steve and Sam have broken out of the Berlin facility that they'd been detained in. He's expecting the call any second.

His phone rings. He lets it buzz twice before he picks it up.

"Superhero babysitter at your service." He says.

"Hello Clint." Steve sounds tired. Doesn't mean Clint's going to stop being an asshole.

"Hey! You calling to accept the invite to my retirement party?" He says cheerfully. There's silence at the other end, as if Steve can't quite believe what he's hearing.

"Um." Steve says, ever polite.

"Oh yeah, this massive party I'm having to celebrate my retirement. It's what happens when you give up being a superhero to spend time with your wife and kids, and no longer get involved. There's even gonna be cake. A fucking huge one with the words 'Happy Retirement' on it."

"Clint… you know I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important."

"You owe me. I want cake. So. Much. Cake. Where am I meeting you?" He asks. He can almost feel Steve's sigh of relief. That's right baby. They need him. And they know it. Steve rattles off an address.

"By the way, can you pick up Wanda? Visions got her under house arrest." Clint is speechless. "Thanks." The phone rings off.

"Can I pick up Wanda? Oh, sure, let me go save the baby witch from the most powerful being on Earth. No biggie. All in a days work. It's okay, I've got a bow and arrows, nothing can beat them." He kits up, leaving Laura a note, although he's pretty certain she already knew he'd be gone when she woke up.

"Fucking Steve Rogers. Fucking Winter Soldier. Fucking Stark for putting us in this position. Bloody hell." He knew, he just knew this was going to end badly.

His phone beeps. It's a text from Steve.

'Could you also pick up that guy that beat up Sam? You know, the really tiny one?' He follows up with another address.

His phone beeps again. Sam this time.

'He had tech we'd never seen before! Not my fault.' Clint face palms. He feels like that's been happening a lot. How did this group of mangy idiots ever manage to save the world? He reminds himself of his own good influence. Maybe he should be the captain. Captain Hawkeye.

No. It sounds like a brand of fish fingers. Maybe Steve can keep the captain part. He revs the bike and roars away. He's off to save the world. Again.


End file.
